Do you ever feel like you don’t seem to have any choice in your life and relationship?

“I am in this relationship or marriage, it was expected that we had kids, I now have to be stuck at this job to pay the mortgage and school fees blah blah blah.” Could this be you? All of these ‘obligations’ with no apparent choice.

Well you do have choice, coz guess what? You chose it all! Everything that you have happening in your life is through choices that you made, either directly or indirectly. Our choices over time create the environment that we live in. As time goes by and you feel like you are simply moving the treadmill round and round, it begins to feel more and more like obligation. Even though we may have felt pressured into certain situations, ultimately it was still a choice that we make to take certain actions or put ourselves in different parts of our lives.

You can choose to live your life from ‘choice’ rather than ‘obligation’. Even though your life may feel like it is full of obligations, it is actually full of thousands of choices that we make without acknowledging them.

Would you be prepared to try something crazy for a day, or even an hour? Everything you do, say to yourself “I choose to _____”. For example, I choose to have a shower, I choose to eat breakfast, I choose to kiss my partner, I choose to drive to work, I choose to eat my lunch, I choose to sit in this meeting, I choose to write this report etc.

What this does is allow you to realise the amount of choices that you do actually make, all with different options but you ‘choose’ the path you actually take. The energy of choice is very different to the energy of obligation. The more you do this, the more it is obvious that your choices create your reality, now and in the future.

When you operate from choice, you are instantly more aware because choice creates your awareness. When you create your life and relationship every day from choice, you create a completely different energy in your world and a new universe can open up for you. You become aware of more options rather than being closed off due to the limitation of your ‘obligations’. As new options present themselves, you can create out of choice and decide what you desire for your life and relationship.

Choose to be present with your partner when together and be grateful for the joy that they bring to your life. Choose to receive this and see if you feel any different and more in control of your life and relationship.

We’d love to hear how this works for you and if you feel different as you go throughout your day.

How often do you allow yourself to let go of control and totally receive nurturing, generative and loving touch?

Many people’s lives consist of frantically fulfilling other people’s needs and are well and entrenched in a hectic, deadline driven and sometimes organised chaos.

We are constantly being pulled left, right, up and down (sometimes all at the same time) just to get through the day. And at the end of the day we find ourselves at home with our intimate partner and wonder why sometimes it is so hard to connect with them and we feel like we are growing apart. They don’t seem to care, or don’t seem to be as interested anymore.

Mental and physical fatigue and constant stress can be huge barriers to intimacy and true deep connection. In this environment, many couples (or one of the parties) may find that intimacy and sex become more of an obligation rather than the warm, loving, nurturing joy that it can be.

For many, the act of copulation (the body parts coming together) is the definition of intimacy. This can be a wonderful way for couples to connect, however it doesn’t have to be the only way.

There are many ways for couples to share intimacy, and touch is just one of them. Your body craves to be touched, by you and by other people. Many people’s bodies do not get any where near the amount of sensual, joyful touch that it desires.

Right now, stop what you are doing and put your hands on your face and close your eyes. Take a couple of deep breaths and feel where your hands are touching your face. Just allow yourself to have a connection with your body. Feel as your fingertips move around your face. Feel the sensation, the tingles, the different pressures that occur as your fingers move over different parts of your face.

Ask your body “Body, what one thing would you like me to get from you right now?”

“What one thing are you wiling for me to receive?” Ask these questions and see if you get a response. The more in touch with your body you become, the more you will be able to perceive the response from your body. Your awareness will become more in tune with your body and your perception of this will increase.

Do this each morning when you wake up for 30 seconds and you will start to change your relationship with your body. Being able to be intimate and connect with someone else begins with you being able to be intimate and having a connection with your own body. Take time to move from your face to other parts of your body and feel gratitude for each part of your body for the role it plays.

Then you can transfer this to your partner.

Set aside some time, avoid interruptions or distractions (turn phones off), put on some soft music and prepare to receive nurturing and generative touch. Lay naked on the bed with your partner and begin by touching yourselves to connect with your own bodies. Start with your face and move around your own body and feel the sensations  with each touch, each movement.

Then one person lays back to receive from their partner. The touch should be soft, light and loving. Guys, you are not in the garage working on the car or banging away in the shed. Tender and caring is required here. Do not go into ‘I won’t be able to do it properly’. Your partner will be grateful that you are honouring her body in this way and that you are willing to share this with her. It may be a little awkward to begin with if, but you will find that it very quickly begins to feel more natural and enjoyable. Stick with it.

Be totally present as you move around your partner’s body. Avoid thinking about the football, shopping lists, kids lunches etc. A Huna Massage principle is that ‘Energy flows where the focus goes’. Be completely in the moment and be as if you were uncovering an ancient treasure that has not been viewed for thousands of years. Be in awe and appreciation.

Take turns to give to each other and over time your ability to receive the pleasure and joy of touch will increase. This will also flow through to other parts of your life.

This activity does not necessarily have to lead to sex.  It can be completely about receiving the touch. It is your choice if you wish to have sex, but it is that… a choice.

For many men, getting to the finish line is the only goal in the bedroom. A heads up guys, it can be really nice for your partner to engage in intimacy without the ‘obligation’ of sex at the end of it.

This activity can be a great way to share some intimacy and connect when you are both tired and drained from the day. It is not physically exerting but allows you to both connect and release stress from the day.

Please don’t feel that it has to be a serious exercise. The energy of intimacy is joy, playfulness and nurturing. Giggle, laugh and communicate……that is the intention.

Have fun with this and we would love to hear how it goes.

I had an epiphany I had to share with you all, especially coming up to Valentine’s Day when everyone is supposed to profess their love to their significant other.

But before I do that, there is something else you need to know…

Did you know that the truth will always make you feel lighter and a lie or falsehood will make you feel heavy?

Try it out now… if I say, “You’re an amazing, infinite being”, how does that make you feel? Light or heavy? Light, because you are an amazing infinite being.

And if I say, “You’re horrible and no one would ever want to have anything to do with you”, how does that make you feel? Heavy right?

So we’re working on that light/heavy, true/false premise with love and gratitude.

Now for the epiphany… every time I would tell Scott I loved him there was a tightness in my body and this had happened with every person I had said that to. In the past I would think that I didn’t really love them and break up with them, but this time I was able to look a little closer to find out what that tightness was.

Now you try it. Close your eyes and say to yourself, “I love you”. Does it feel light or heavy?

And now say to yourself, “I am so grateful to you”, how does that feel? Lighter, right?

If I love you feels heavy, then it must be a lie! What? How did that happen? Well… lets take a look at your parents doing the best that they can with the tools that they have. Did either of your parents punish you and say, “I’m doing this because I love you” or judge you about something you’ve done or how you look and say, “I love you and if I can’t tell you what you’re doing wrong in your life, who can?” Which then gives you mixed messages!

So then in your infinite wisdom love and judgement have been intrinsically entwined. No wonder love feels heavy, there is a lie attached to it.

Then when I told Scott that I am so grateful that he is in my life, it feels light and fun and free and oh, so true! There are no mixed messages there.

Everywhere you have misaligned and misapplied love with judgement, can you uncreate and destroy it now? Right, Wrong, Good, Bad, POD, POC, all nines, boys, shorts and beyonds. (Check out the access consciousness clearing statement http://www.accessconsciousness.com/content60.asp)

We are told to love our bodies, our selves, our partners, family and friends and how can we truly do that if love feels heavy to us? My suggestion to you is to change the word love to gratitude for a while until the word love feels light again. It will transform your relationship… it has ours.

New Year’s Resolutions

What are they there for and why do we have them AND do we ever achieve them?

The start of a new year and you would like it to be better, bigger and brighter than the year before. An achievement to aspire to, so that this time next year you can look back and say, that was a pretty good year!

So what are some of your New Year’s Resolutions?

I’d prefer to make decisions on how to live differently right there and then and then do it. But others have a harder time with the doing of the resolution and need the New Year to kick start it and this I understand.

Now the $64000 question, how do you achieve these resolutions and keep them up throughout the year? It can be tough to nonexistent if you haven’t looked at all the reasons why you don’t want the resolution in the first place. These are all the reasons why you needed the time frame of the New Year to get it started.

So take a piece of paper and at the top write the resolution. It doesn’t matter if you’ve already done it and your resolution is already happening, this might help you to continue with it.

Write down all the reasons why you would like this resolution in your life and now, most importantly, write down all the reasons why you don’t want this resolution to occur in your life. Yes! All of the reasons why not, which means all the reasons why you haven’t done it before, why you wouldn’t want the resolution for someone else and just keep writing. If you come to a blank, write down blank and something else will pop into your head. Keep going until you are empty.

A couple of examples that you might not think of is:

1. If you’re trying to lose weight and you see a person who you think is too skinny and say to yourself, I don’t want to be that thin. You’re resisting being thin. It doesn’t mean that you have to be that thin, but by judging the other person you are holding a barrier in front of you that stops you from losing weight.
2. If you would like to meet a fabulous new partner and have a wonderful relationship but you are judging other people’s relationships and saying to yourself that you don’t want relationships that are violent, too sexual, boring, and so on… once again you are blocking yourself from total allowance of all relationships. You can then choice what sort of relationship you would like in your life without the push-pull of resistance and agreement.

Once you have written out all the reasons why you don’t want your resolution in your life, it’s time to clear them so there is not an ounce of emotional charge attached to them. This means that if you see someone who is too skinny for your liking, you probably won’t even notice their weight because there will be other qualities that will sparkle from them.

Now for the fun stuff…

Did you know that you cannot judge someone if you have not been there or done that in this life, past life, other dimensions or realities? It’s not possible, because you wouldn’t have the vibrational link to them that would draw them into your world.

So now we’re going to use some tools from Access Consciousness (which I’ve been using personally for over 5 years, but it’s only recently when I’ve muscle tested my clients have they been willing to use them in their treatments).

For every reason you’ve written down for the positives and the negatives of this resolution, say to yourself, “Everywhere I’ve been there and done that, can I uncreate it and destroy it all?” If you feel lighter or expansive that would be a yes, and if you feel heavier or contracting in your energy that would be a no. If it’s a no, then ask yourself if you would be open to the possibility to release the emotional charge on these judgements and go from there.

Next repeat this wonderful clearing statement:

http://www.accessconsciousness.com/content60.asp

It sounds like gobbledygook and is abbreviated and it just might work for you.

Once you have cleared your list, it’s time to take action. Ask the Universe, “What would it take for me to achieve this resolution?” Then SHUT UP! It’s not for your mind to answer; it’s for your higher consciousness to help you take action without you having to push up hill to achieve it.

The answers might come to you straight away or you might feel like doing something else before coming back to write down your action plan. The process is yours to play with and then of course see if the action plan feels expansive to you. If it does great! Go for it! If not, you might like to use the clearing statement where it doesn’t quite gel for you.

Have a go and let me know if your resolutions are coming to fruition!

Are you chained by your Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is an interesting topic…

I hear so many people talk about being a perfectionist and yet the outcome seems to be totally different on the surface. Some perfectionists do nothing. They are so stuck in being right or getting the right outcome that nothing happens for them. They CAN NOT move to wherever it is that they want to go. They have amazing talents and abilities, yet nothing to show in the external world. I often hear these types of perfectionists say they are afraid of SUCCESS. We’ll call this type ‘Mr Stuck’.

Then there are the other types of perfectionists. Some classify them as Type A personalities. Just gotta get things done and no one can do them as well as they can. A little bit of a control freak… a lovely one though (for all you control freaks out there). The Type A’s are stuck but in a slightly different way. They are stuck in control, their body goes into overwhelm and if they drop any of the balls they are juggling their whole world will fall apart. They say they are afraid of FAILURE. We’ll call this type ‘Ms Control’.

For Mr Stuck, he feels so wrong that he’s paralysed so that he can’t get any wronger (I know that’s not a word… humour me). So he floats along not really achieving much in his life and beating himself up for it every time he compares himself to another.

Ms Control, however, is out to prove how right she is. Her life feels out of balance because deep down she feels completely wrong for doing anything that she sets out to do. But she keeps putting one foot in front of the other because that’s the only way she knows how to survive.

If you think that you’re the only one this perfectionism is affecting, think again. You have an impact on everyone around you because whether you like it or not, you allow them to think they are wrong too. Wouldn’t you like to change that dynamic?

So what do we do with these 2 types of perfectionism?

Firstly, to all of the wonderful perfectionists out there, both kinds and all the rest in between, when did you decide to make yourself wrong? How old were you when you believed that you were wrong, so when you grew up you just had to be right?

Generally it’s around 2 – 5 years old.

Mr Stuck and Ms Control it’s time to acknowledge that where you are right now is where you are. With all the tools and training you have had in your life (and other lives if you really want right down to it) this is the best way you could cope with this feeling of being wrong.

The next step is to breathe. How long has it been since you spent 5 minutes really breathing? Possibly Ms Control has it in her schedule to breathe, but only if everything else is in place as well.

Now, make a choice to uncreate and destroy all the times where you want to be right, but deep down you thought you were wrong. By doing this you let go of the past and are able to make a new choice in the future.

This new choice is to ask what can I add (yes, add) to my life that is creative, generative, expansive will allow me know deep inside that it is not possible to be wrong in this glorious universe? This is not for you to answer. If our minds had all the answers you would be completely blissed out on life.

And breathe some more. The more you consciously breathe, the more you can be in touch with what is truly going on within.

Leave a comment below or catch us on Facebook or Twitter and tell us how you go with your new choice.

As the song has been going through my head for the past couple of weeks, I knew it was time to write about the thing that not many of us really want to talk about. We complain about it, we want more of it, we judge it and so much more, but when there is a solution to the negativity of money not many of us are willing to put it where our mouth is.

What if money was just energy and the coloured plastic was a representative of that energy? What if you could receive money just like air, just like breathing? Wouldn’t that be amazing?

I’ve been told many times from people that if you have a gift you should give it away for free and not charge for it and being a therapist is my gift. No, being a therapist is my profession and I have spent a lot of time and money, and continue to do so to learn new tools and techniques to pass onto my clients. If I didn’t charge for my time and expertise, I would not be able to work as a therapist.

So something else I hear is that clients can’t afford to come and see me. Did you know that the more you say you can’t afford something, the more things you can’t afford? I’m not telling anyone to go into debt, just to look at the way people view their idea of money.

If there was one thing you could do right now that would help with your financial flow, would you do it? Even if it went against everything you believed in when it comes to money? For those of you who are still reading, notice all the uncomfortable feelings in your body. And yes they can be very uncomfortable.

Just sit with them for a moment. Allow them to be there and they will drift away. If they don’t, ask who the feelings belong to  and they will lessen.

So what is this magical thing that will help your financial flow? It’s gifting to yourself.

Gifting 10% of your income to yourself BEFORE you pay your bills!!!!

What?!?!?! Before you pay your bills?

Yes, BEFORE!!!!!

What this does is it tells the universe that you are more important than your bills. You are here to be nurtured and loved and receiving money is a form of that love.

Not having money in this society, where you can’t pay your bills, support your family or choose which school your children would like to go is a major cause of stress. It can affect your health and relationships and your family’s health and relationships.

Now if you’re perfectly happy with your life and how your family is, that’s great. But what if your child comes home and is being bullied at school and you don’t have the option of changing schools because you don’t have the extra cash – your financial flow is nonexistent. This goes a whole lot deeper than buying new toys and going on holidays.

With your 10% you can leave it in a bank account or a place in your house. But it is there just to have, not to save for something special, not to invest. You’ll have plenty of other money to do those things.

The reason behind having this money is that energetically, the more money you have, the more money you are willing to receive. This will help with pay rises, businesses growing, receiving cash from unexpected places. It is just amazing how well it works.

Since I have been doing it, I’ve noticed that when I’ve stuck to my 10% more clients come to me, when I dip in and spend the money, the clients don’t book in that week. Coincidence? Possibly, but it has happened on a number of occasions and with the work I’m in, there is no such thing as a coincidence.

Here are the 3 steps:

• Open a new bank account or make a space for the money at home
• As soon as you are paid, have an automatic transfer of 10% of your income to your Having Account
• Count it every time you add some more to your Having Account and enjoy watching it grow

When you work with someone day in day out and someone in their family dies, how do you cope as a bystander watching your colleague grieving? Try the exercise at the end of the blog and be the space they need to be. It’s contagious and works well for everyone in the office.

The past year has been a nightmare for deaths and illnesses and broken dreams in our family. It has been one transition after another and every person in every situation reacted differently. So as a therapist working with people who are dealing with grief, how can I assume what the client is going through? Well I don’t.

When googling the stages of grief most sites say there are 5 stages… denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. However, there was one site http://www.recover-from-grief.com that had 7 stages which I have recognised in both clients I work with and from what has happened to our family in the past year. This site adds The Upward Turn and Reconstruction of Life to their stages which promote the positivity of the transformation in a person’s life.

These 7 stages are not an automatic timeline where you start in Denial and magically work your way to Acceptance. No, you could start anywhere on the ladder and go up and down as much as you would like. That is until somewhere inside you the magical question “How does this get any better?” raises you up from the pain of the grief. When the question is asked, the mind shifts into finding the answer. Magically you find a new book on moving through transitions of life or someone suggests a fantastic therapist or your pet gives you some love. Once you get the feeling that there is something better than the pain, it starts to shift.

It is possible to move through the stages of grief quite quickly, yet some people due to their belief structure and not wanting to be judged by others feel the need to hold onto their pain as long as is appropriate. This not only affects every aspect of their life and their health it affects their ability to feel a connection with the person who has gone. The longer the heaviness of grief stays with a person the less they are able to connect with the happier memories or the possibilities of new opportunities.

By staying as open as possible to all thoughts and feelings a person can move through the stages of grief and realise that there is a point of destruction before the point of creation.

The exercise below can help you to stay open to any thought, feeling and emotion while going through the stages of grief, although if you’re finding it difficult you know where we are…

• Find a quiet place for about 5 minutes and focus your energy inwards
• Imagine your energy expanding out of your body so that it fills the whole room
• Expand your energy to fill the whole house
• Then the block in your suburb
• Then the suburb
• Then the city or town where you live
• Expand out past the borders of the country
• And out around the Earth
• Now expand into the Earth and out up into the sky.