You are here: Home / Archives for Uncategorized

Choice vs. Obligation

Do you ever feel like you don’t seem to have any choice in your life and relationship?

“I am in this relationship or marriage, it was expected that we had kids, I now have to be stuck at this job to pay the mortgage and school fees blah blah blah.” Could this be you? All of these ‘obligations’ with no apparent choice.

Well you do have choice, coz guess what? You chose it all! Everything that you have happening in your life is through choices that you made, either directly or indirectly. Our choices over time create the environment that we live in. As time goes by and you feel like you are simply moving the treadmill round and round, it begins to feel more and more like obligation. Even though we may have felt pressured into certain situations, ultimately it was still a choice that we make to take certain actions or put ourselves in different parts of our lives.

You can choose to live your life from ‘choice’ rather than ‘obligation’. Even though your life may feel like it is full of obligations, it is actually full of thousands of choices that we make without acknowledging them.

Would you be prepared to try something crazy for a day, or even an hour? Everything you do, say to yourself “I choose to _____”. For example, I choose to have a shower, I choose to eat breakfast, I choose to kiss my partner, I choose to drive to work, I choose to eat my lunch, I choose to sit in this meeting, I choose to write this report etc.

What this does is allow you to realise the amount of choices that you do actually make, all with different options but you ‘choose’ the path you actually take. The energy of choice is very different to the energy of obligation. The more you do this, the more it is obvious that your choices create your reality, now and in the future.

When you operate from choice, you are instantly more aware because choice creates your awareness. When you create your life and relationship every day from choice, you create a completely different energy in your world and a new universe can open up for you. You become aware of more options rather than being closed off due to the limitation of your ‘obligations’. As new options present themselves, you can create out of choice and decide what you desire for your life and relationship.

Choose to be present with your partner when together and be grateful for the joy that they bring to your life. Choose to receive this and see if you feel any different and more in control of your life and relationship.

We’d love to hear how this works for you and if you feel different as you go throughout your day.

 

Receiving Touch

How often do you allow yourself to let go of control and totally receive nurturing, generative and loving touch?

Many people’s lives consist of frantically fulfilling other people’s needs and are well and entrenched in a hectic, deadline driven and sometimes organised chaos.

We are constantly being pulled left, right, up and down (sometimes all at the same time) just to get through the day. And at the end of the day we find ourselves at home with our intimate partner and wonder why sometimes it is so hard to connect with them and we feel like we are growing apart. They don’t seem to care, or don’t seem to be as interested anymore.

Mental and physical fatigue and constant stress can be huge barriers to intimacy and true deep connection. In this environment, many couples (or one of the parties) may find that intimacy and sex become more of an obligation rather than the warm, loving, nurturing joy that it can be.

For many, the act of copulation (the body parts coming together) is the definition of intimacy. This can be a wonderful way for couples to connect, however it doesn’t have to be the only way.

There are many ways for couples to share intimacy, and touch is just one of them. Your body craves to be touched, by you and by other people. Many people’s bodies do not get any where near the amount of sensual, joyful touch that it desires.

Right now, stop what you are doing and put your hands on your face and close your eyes. Take a couple of deep breaths and feel where your hands are touching your face. Just allow yourself to have a connection with your body. Feel as your fingertips move around your face. Feel the sensation, the tingles, the different pressures that occur as your fingers move over different parts of your face.

Ask your body “Body, what one thing would you like me to get from you right now?”

“What one thing are you wiling for me to receive?” Ask these questions and see if you get a response. The more in touch with your body you become, the more you will be able to perceive the response from your body. Your awareness will become more in tune with your body and your perception of this will increase.

Do this each morning when you wake up for 30 seconds and you will start to change your relationship with your body. Being able to be intimate and connect with someone else begins with you being able to be intimate and having a connection with your own body. Take time to move from your face to other parts of your body and feel gratitude for each part of your body for the role it plays.

Then you can transfer this to your partner.

Set aside some time, avoid interruptions or distractions (turn phones off), put on some soft music and prepare to receive nurturing and generative touch. Lay naked on the bed with your partner and begin by touching yourselves to connect with your own bodies. Start with your face and move around your own body and feel the sensations  with each touch, each movement.

Then one person lays back to receive from their partner. The touch should be soft, light and loving. Guys, you are not in the garage working on the car or banging away in the shed. Tender and caring is required here. Do not go into ‘I won’t be able to do it properly’. Your partner will be grateful that you are honouring her body in this way and that you are willing to share this with her. It may be a little awkward to begin with if, but you will find that it very quickly begins to feel more natural and enjoyable. Stick with it.

Be totally present as you move around your partner’s body. Avoid thinking about the football, shopping lists, kids lunches etc. A Huna Massage principle is that ‘Energy flows where the focus goes’. Be completely in the moment and be as if you were uncovering an ancient treasure that has not been viewed for thousands of years. Be in awe and appreciation.

Take turns to give to each other and over time your ability to receive the pleasure and joy of touch will increase. This will also flow through to other parts of your life.

This activity does not necessarily have to lead to sex.  It can be completely about receiving the touch. It is your choice if you wish to have sex, but it is that… a choice.

For many men, getting to the finish line is the only goal in the bedroom. A heads up guys, it can be really nice for your partner to engage in intimacy without the ‘obligation’ of sex at the end of it.

This activity can be a great way to share some intimacy and connect when you are both tired and drained from the day. It is not physically exerting but allows you to both connect and release stress from the day.

Please don’t feel that it has to be a serious exercise. The energy of intimacy is joy, playfulness and nurturing. Giggle, laugh and communicate……that is the intention.

Have fun with this and we would love to hear how it goes.

 

 

Love Vs. Gratitude

I had an epiphany I had to share with you all, especially coming up to Valentine’s Day when everyone is supposed to profess their love to their significant other.

But before I do that, there is something else you need to know…

Did you know that the truth will always make you feel lighter and a lie or falsehood will make you feel heavy?

Try it out now… if I say, “You’re an amazing, infinite being”, how does that make you feel? Light or heavy? Light, because you are an amazing infinite being.

And if I say, “You’re horrible and no one would ever want to have anything to do with you”, how does that make you feel? Heavy right?

So we’re working on that light/heavy, true/false premise with love and gratitude.

Now for the epiphany… every time I would tell Scott I loved him there was a tightness in my body and this had happened with every person I had said that to. In the past I would think that I didn’t really love them and break up with them, but this time I was able to look a little closer to find out what that tightness was.

Now you try it. Close your eyes and say to yourself, “I love you”. Does it feel light or heavy?

And now say to yourself, “I am so grateful to you”, how does that feel? Lighter, right?

If I love you feels heavy, then it must be a lie! What? How did that happen? Well… lets take a look at your parents doing the best that they can with the tools that they have. Did either of your parents punish you and say, “I’m doing this because I love you” or judge you about something you’ve done or how you look and say, “I love you and if I can’t tell you what you’re doing wrong in your life, who can?” Which then gives you mixed messages!

So then in your infinite wisdom love and judgement have been intrinsically entwined. No wonder love feels heavy, there is a lie attached to it.

Then when I told Scott that I am so grateful that he is in my life, it feels light and fun and free and oh, so true! There are no mixed messages there.

Everywhere you have misaligned and misapplied love with judgement, can you uncreate and destroy it now? Right, Wrong, Good, Bad, POD, POC, all nines, boys, shorts and beyonds. (Check out the access consciousness clearing statement http://www.accessconsciousness.com/content60.asp)

We are told to love our bodies, our selves, our partners, family and friends and how can we truly do that if love feels heavy to us? My suggestion to you is to change the word love to gratitude for a while until the word love feels light again. It will transform your relationship… it has ours.